Cage Play - A Heartfelt Essay.
Hello My darling readers and curious minds.
For the last several weeks, My mind has been pulling Me towards writing about a specific interest in the Kink & BDSM realm, and at first, I wasn’t entirely sure for what purpose yet. My mind kept replaying a recent request from a new-to-Me submissive and old memories of scenes I had in the past, and My feelings and process around it all.
My thoughts today surround Cage Play - and yes, let’s get this out of the way, this type of play is not for everyone. Much like, all forms of play and scenes, as a gentle reminder. So if you find yourself with a different experience, or a different opinion or understanding, I welcome all knowledge and views to comment and share further, with respect to My experience, of course. I want to share honestly about My personal and professional experience, to hopefully give some insight into how My mind works around confinement play!
As it is all so fascinating.
Before I was a Pro-Domme, My mind was challenged by and guided to explore the perspective of confinement (without consent) in My first career as a trauma-counselor and facilitator in human services. I worked inside multiple locations, all with different objectives; full-time-attendance order programs (court ordered for mental health and safety for at-risk youth), Hospital Mental Health Wings, the Youth Attendance Center, Young Offenders Center, and Remand Center. I saw first hand in My professional and personal life, humans work through these systems of confinement, with (simplified*) intentions of keeping the individual safe and/or the community safe, and rehabilitating them to become better versions of themselves, or intervene on maladaptive behaviors in hopes of changing it through punishment. Confinement being the punishment, in a lot of these cases.
I witnessed first hand and learned through research, what this confinement does to the brain, memory, mental health, and self understanding. It often reduces people into acting in very primal ways of surviving and perceiving, because the curious, ever expanding mind only has so far to explore and experience in a cage. Most of the brains ability to thrive is throttled and limited. A lot of the worst parts of the subconscious surface, into the conscious and back down again - and it’s loud - which often creates CPTSD and further mind fractures for the folks inside.
Why is this important to understand the FUN version of Cage Play, Lady Ravyn?
Because this basic understanding of how the Cage works on the human psyche - is part of the ‘twisted’ appeal of Cage Play, and it also informed Me, through applied intuition, about the risks of Cage Play. I can confidently say, that as a Professional Domme, I am thankful to have had this previous experience so that I knew how to truly manage scenes that have gone sideways.
Now I’ll give some further insight and an example of a complex mind - I am a Goddess that is truly intrigued by Cage Play, so much so, that I had a customized bed frame built with a quality cage underneath that I love. I adore consensual confinement when done with trauma informed care, and how much TRUST, VALIDATION and TEASE can be built using this form of play. I genuinely look forward to the day that My King or Queen happily has a time out under My bed while watching Me change into lingerie. Ladies always get to Dream Big.
I’ve had many, many scenes where The Cage, Bondage, My St. Andrews Cross, The Stock and other forms of confinement were used in a more ‘short term’ way (under 1 hour or with breaks), and it is usually received well and supports a submissive to surrender and get into the necessary headspace to submit, either to the activity or to Me. Short term, consensual confinement can be such a useful strategy in D/s dynamics and for increasing intensity. It supports being fully present and focused on the moment. Again, W/we love.
However, I want share the other side of how this activity can unfold, why I calculate My risks as a Goddess - and how the fantasy and the dream of Cage Play - can radically shift into a negative, potentially dangerous space when used longer term or with someone mentally/emotionally unhealed or confused - and why discernment is crucial.
Sometimes, W/we can’t help but fall into this learning though trial and error - W/we can do everything right. I can have the right intentions as a Domme. W/we can ask the right questions about someone’s history, mental health, and desires, and still not have the entire picture before W/we play. And if it is stored as trauma in the subconscious or nervous system, W/we aren’t always aware of what’s there until it is triggered to the surface.
In one case of Cage Play in My career, 6 years ago now, I witnessed a submissive man, who I knew very well, regress into child-like behaviors and speech without warning. It was not pre-discussed or consented to as a part of the scene, it was what happened for him during confinement and I was forced to adapt. He reported struggling with getting out of that head space for up to a week afterwards, which was concerning for both of U/us, though I took extra time for aftercare that day - as I needed it, too. This was My first confusion and awareness around having fun with Cage Play. It seemed like a handy tool for D/s control - but can W/we always control what happens within the cage?
Fast forward to 2 years ago, I had a different submissive who I knew very well, who also enjoyed the idea of Cage Play. He had been limited in exploring his submission for a long time and had never done it before, but fantasized about it for many years. He built up this grand idea of what it would be like, respectfully. He expected the experience to make him feel safe, cared for, small and without the stress of having to know what to do - these were his goals with it and of course, I thought were very positive. To feel safe being vulnerable with O/our desires is the overall goal of play. After observing this submissive through some hard emotional life events, I even trusted him to know himself. But do W/we know O/ourselves in confinement? In real restriction, alone with O/our real thoughts after the first 5 minutes of excitement are over? Being completely honest and in hindsight, My intuition was warning Me that something was off before W/we locked the door.
The experience ended up triggering his abandonment wounds, which W/we found out was a part of why he wanted to experience the Cage so badly. It was what his body remembered about his trauma, not what his mind remembered, so he became very upset, angry, and confused while in the Cage, and did lash out. He lost track of time and experienced many intrusive thoughts. It became an unhealthy idea, very quickly, and with how much therapy he’d been doing - W/we really didn’t understand this risk until it was happening. With love, W/we went hard on the aftercare and re-grounding, and approached the Cage much more mindfully and with increased boundaries, moving forward.
Now for a personal experience with Cage Play, My ultimate lesson for D/s awareness and discernment. I share this part with mindfulness and respect to the other party by keeping certain aspects private, but My side of the experience is what’s important to express and learn from, here. So without shame or guilt, I share in hopes of further healing and validating this community so that W/we can do shit with MORE joy - and LESS fear.
So with My fabulous Cage Bed that I adore, an ex-partner and I wanted to use it for a very personalized scene. I was so excited because it was O/our first time doing this level of confinement and this type of play scene. As always, I’m the Dominant, so W/we had him dressed up, given certain items for comfort and locked in the cage while I went out for an appointment. I was gone for an hour, and I promised to check on him as soon as I got home to re-evaluate if he stayed in longer, or if he could come out with permissions.
While I was gone, My intuition was giving Me warnings, something was not right. As I got closer to home, the feeling got stronger. A Lady always knows. I went upstairs and checked on the Cage and My ex - and everything about him changed from when he went in. He became very hard to read (always a red flag during play*). His energy, his tone of voice, and his intentions all changed. He verbalized that he was doing well, and then asked Me to join him in the Cage and step outside of My role as the Dominant, and meet him on his level. Everything in My intuition and body felt confused by this mid-scene re-negotiation, but somehow it felt like an invitation to get more vulnerable with him, which I was always looking to do. So I went against* My intuition, changed My outfit, and unlocked the Cage.
As soon as the click of the unlock happened, there was another shift in his energy and of course, I clocked it. I entered the Cage alongside him, closed the door behind Me, set the lock in place without locking it, and placed the key on the floor. I had only a moment to try and co-regulate with him, before he quickly switched positions. His body turned, and he tried to get out of the Cage so that he could lock Me inside by Myself. This was never agreed to or discussed. Everything in My survival brain took over, THANK GOD, and faster than him, I grabbed the key and wrestled him to stay under the bed. Immediately, I knew something subconscious was triggered in him during his alone time in the Cage, and he wanted to ‘punish’ Me for putting him in there. *Someone I loved and trusted at the time.
After he knew I wouldn’t give up the key and he could tell I was extremely uncomfortable, he switched up strategies to keep U/us both in the Cage - almost to decompress or pretend that it didn’t happen. It turned into a scene that was extremely unhealthy and awkward, that I had to activate My hyper vigilance and survival mode to navigate out of safely. He was also too emotionally limited to discuss what happened, what went wrong, and how that was dangerous, unconsensual play - and how you NEVER do that to a Lady. I learned that even though I had known this man for years and calculated the risks - the potential for unhealed or subconscious trauma to surface during any kind of confinement - even for fun - is real.
If W/we are wise, W/we realize the lines W/we’re walking - in Kink, D/s and BDSM play - which can be where the validation and vulnerability heals U/us - but W/we need to honor that W/we are real primal people, trying to understand O/ourselves better, and that the skills for managing Cage Play - is a high level of emotional intelligence, strong use of intuition and discernment, and from My experience, even a high level of physical ability to manage crisis. I say this also, because it’s what a submissive going into Cage Play deserves from a Pro-Domme/Lifestyle Domme, in this type of scene.
Lastly, I recently had a new-to-Me submissive request extended Cage Play time as a session idea (multiple hours), while simultaneously asking Me to ‘just leave him and go out for a few hours’ and also ‘reduce the hourly tribute’ - as apparently I’m doing ‘less’ work for ‘his’ kink… With all due respect, it wasn’t a real request and I ended up not responding (I share this part for other Women/Domme’s to encourage a second thought about their genuine safety) - because I know that he doesn’t know Me well enough for that kind of ask and trust, it disrespects the intensity level of the activity and mental preparedness you have to have to indulge in that type of play, and it lacks the honor for Me, a Goddess - facilitating the scene utilizing all of My professional experience and intelligence about psychology and mental health first-aid to attempt to ensure he has FUN or at least a positive overall experience. His lack of ability to speak to previous Cage Play experience also gave Me enough information to make My own safety call, respectfully.
One of My main Rules I state to every new slave/submissive when they come for their audition session is; never assume I don’t know something. So respectfully, I know the spectrum - the risks of Cage Play (confinement), and the FUN of Cage Play. I know the intimate truth around confinement as a punishment and destroyer of the human mind, and equally important, the intimate truth that it’s a comforting safety net of deep reflective focus and relief for the mentally strong ones. It is a reward through tease and denial, for some. For Me, it is about making My Governess life whimsical and expressive, self actualizing and spiritually raw. I know who I am, and I have to skills to have fun at this level - and always welcome the truly self aware and willing to join Me in creating real memories, real expressions of raw D/s dynamic - because it’s time W/we do it right.
With Love, thank you for reading.
Goddess Lady Ravyn
